I have had several years to compile this list of my advice for navigating being single today. I wrote it to a man friend but I think it applies to both sexes equally.
- Please be careful with your heart as well as the hearts of others.
- If you don’t want a relationship, please DO NOT pretend that you do.
- Please don’t awaken love in someone if you do not intend on sticking around.
- Be upfront and honest about your wishes for your life. If you never want to get married again, the be upfront about that and let your date decide if that’s the kind of relationship they/we want.
- Don’t say “I love you” unless you mean it. Those three words come with a a lot of expectations so use them wisely.
- Don’t expect someone to be at your beck and call if you are not willing to do the same for them.
- More than likely, hearts have all been broken a few times by the time you meet so be patient with one another and know its ok to want to be loved and even be scared to open up, especially if you have been single for a long period.
- Dont be afraid of telling the truth. I promise you that telling the truth, no matter how difficult, (even if you know it will hurt) is always better that pacifying someone with a lie or half truth or no words at all
- Don’t just ‘ghost’ someone if you don’t want to see them any longer. Respect another person enough to tell them because they might hold on way longer than they should just because they don’t know your true feelings. I promise you they can handle it.
- If someone treats you like they don’t care, believe them. Move on to someone who DOES want your attention.
- Take care of your finances. Save as much as you can through employer plans. The money adds up fast and you really never miss it.
- Remember that a ‘date’ doesn’t have to be expensive. Your most valuable asset is your time.
- Your relationship with your kids is your responsibility. Do what you can to make your kids feel loved and give them time to adjust to your new living arrangement.
- Do not bad-mouth your ex. Find something positive to say and put it on repeat.
- Take time to heal your hurts before you move on to a new relationship. There are hurts that don’t arise immediately. Give yourself time to regroup and get back on track.
- Do not settle. Don’t settle for the next person that comes along just so you don’t have to be alone. Make a list of desirable traits you’d like to see in a mate and compare yourself to it as well as your potential mate.
- Choose someone that makes you laugh and feel wanted and meets your core love needs most of the time (lets be real- no one is perfect) Don’t be afraid to let your mate know your needs – they will deliver with their spin on them and it just might float your boat more than you ever dreamed!
- When someone wants your attention, nothing will stop them. When they don’t want your attention, nothing can make them want it. This has been proven over and over again, very painfully.
- When you learn to love yourself it’s like baking your own delicious cake for yourself. When someone comes along to love you they are the sprinkles. They add to your already fabulous cake! It takes a lot of bravery to be alone sometimes. It may get you out of your comfort zone but you will be amazed at the really cool moments you’ll create for yourself. Who but you can do that?
The Drowsy Crown 